There’s something deeply satisfying about a letter. Maybe it’s the words inscribed in ink, the paper that yellows as it ages, or the thrill of receiving a message that had to travel long and far.
Although letters have faded as a form of correspondence, they’re alive and well as a therapeutic practice. This is because many therapists recognize their power in helping clients work through tricky issues. Writing directly to a person, situation, or part of themselves allows clients to access and release pent-up emotions, opening the door to fresh perspectives.
This guide explores some of the benefits and types of therapeutic letter-writing, including when and how therapists can use this unique intervention.
Simply talking about a difficult struggle or relationship issue doesn’t always get to the heart of the matter. Clients may be worried about how they’re coming across or how their therapist will respond. This can make them filter or censor what they say.
Writing a letter gives clients a safe container to explore and express challenging emotions at their own pace. By directly addressing the person or situation in question, clients experience their feelings in a more immediate way. They also view their struggles from a different perspective, which promotes insights and healing (Keenan, Lumley, & Schneider, 2014).
Letter-writing is one type of expressive writing, which has many therapeutic benefits:
When is the right time to suggest this intervention to clients?
Letter-writing is helpful when clients are struggling with a persistent relationship issue, life situation, or internal conflict. When strong feelings linger despite talking about them in therapy, consider recommending a letter-writing exercise.
Explain to clients that letter-writing can be an effective way to process emotions and get a new perspective on their situation. Gauge how open clients are to this assignment and reassure them that you’ll offer guidance and support.
Letter-writing may not be appropriate in some situations, such as:
Next, consider which type of letter-writing exercise would be of most benefit. Some common ones are shown below:
To help clients get the most out of this exercise, use the following instructions:
Additional guidelines for each letter type can be found below.
Relationships can leave a lot of unfinished business. This may be because a relationship ends abruptly or it’s too risky or hard to be honest. Over time, unexpressed feelings can lead to resentment, hurt, or grief.
Writing a letter to the person in question allows clients to give voice to whatever needs to be expressed. This helps them process their emotions and work toward acceptance or closure.
If needed, suggest some topics for clients to consider, such as any of the following:
Check out our worksheet for this letter type:
Another option is to instruct clients to compose a letter to or from a past or future version of themselves. This is a powerful way to see challenges and goals from a new angle.
Below are some options to consider:
To guide your selection of letter type, consider the examples below:
Encourage clients to use their intuition or imagination to guide what they write.
Check out our worksheets for these letter types:
The life situations faced by clients often dominate their thoughts. It can be helpful to take a step back and view these challenges as separate from their core self or identity. This is sometimes referred to as “externalizing the problem.”
By seeing themselves as distinct from their problems, clients can more easily manage them and come up with creative solutions. Writing a letter to the problematic situation is one way to do this.
Below are some situations that lend themselves to this kind of therapy letter:
These sample excerpts offer a flavor of how these letters might look:
To help clients process their letter-writing experience, ask them to bring their letter to session.
As a first step, encourage clients to read their letter out loud. They may want to imagine that the person or personified situation (e.g., a health condition or life circumstance) is in the room as they read the letter. Clients can even role-play how this person or entity might respond. Research suggests that switching perspectives in this way increases the therapeutic benefits (Campbell & Pennebaker, 2003).
Then ask any of the following questions:
If clients wrote to someone with whom they have an ongoing relationship, consider how they might start a conversation about whatever needs to be shared.
Some clients wrestle with whether they should send their letter to the person to whom they wrote. This is generally not recommended.
One reason is that clients can have unrealistic expectations. For example, are they expecting the person to apologize? Are they secretly hoping to resume contact or rekindle the relationship? Does sending the letter reinforce an assumption that their healing requires a certain kind of response?
Discuss how clients might be impacted by possible responses, including:
If clients wrote to a life situation or another version of themselves, discuss how they can implement any resolutions or realizations that emerged during the exercise.
To wrap up the letter exercise, discuss what would best promote a feeling of closure:
See our article on using a letter in a grief ritual:
Just as it’s satisfying to unseal an envelope, clients often feel lighter after writing a therapy letter. There’s a sense of releasing deeply buried feelings that have sometimes festered for years.
Writing to others, themselves, or a life situation helps clients push past the layers of resistance that surround difficult experiences. A well-executed therapy letter can help clients get out of emotional limbo and allow them to move on with their lives.
Integrating letter-writing into your work with clients is an effective way to promote healing, acceptance, and insight. One thing’s for certain: Clients will remember this powerful intervention for years to come.